In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
