watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
