so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
