I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
