Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
