I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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