you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He passed out mid-signature
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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