I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
