Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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