Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
