Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
