there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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