so explain again why im purple
no
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
