You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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