I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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