I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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