Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
