ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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