I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
