A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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