Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
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