so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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