I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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