He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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