Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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