I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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