You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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