I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
