so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
