Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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