whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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