I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
