dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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