don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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