I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
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