She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
