I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
