I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
