Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
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