Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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