yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
