Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
