Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
