porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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