you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
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