what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
