dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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