Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
