dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
