this beer tastes like vomit already
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
